Category Archives: Nikah/Marriage related Issues

The Sanctity of Nikah

By Mujlisul Ulama

Rasulullah (Sallallahu Alaihi Wassallam) said:

“Nikah is half of Imaan.”  

Numerous Ahadith narrations testify to the sanctity of the Nikah (marriage) bond. The above is one such hadith from which the sanctity and importance of Nikah are abundantly clear. As a result of the holy culture of Islam, Nikah has always been regarded and treated with due respect and reverence by Muslims. Unlike liberal and materialistic cultures, Islam emphasises the strong relationship between Nikah and Taqwa (piety and divine fear – the fear which engenders obedience of the commands of Allah Ta’ala.) In fact, Islam teaches that Nikah is the factor which vastly improves the degree and quality of taqwa.

The Nikah bond envisages the establishment of a home of piety – a home in which moral excellence, spiritual loftiness and humanity will achieve a high degree of perfection. While this was the blessed condition of the Ummah in its early days, it has to be observed that the gradual adoption by Muslims of the ways of alien cultures has seriously eroded the transcendental quality and value of the Nikah bond.

Divorce which was an extremely rare occurrence in Muslim society, has now become an incremental practice. The greater degree of Muslim abandonment of Muslim culture – the Sunnah of Rasulullah (Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam) – the higher the incidence of divorce in the Muslim community. Divorce, separation, futile disputes, unnecessary arguments, lack of parental control, delinquency, failure to fulfil marital rights and obligations, infidelity, misery and heartache have gripped numerous Muslim families in these days of modernity, liberalism and abandonment of the Sunnah.

For these evil consequences of the libertine Muslim culture to find their way into Muslim homes, there is no need for surprise. Such baneful effects are the natural consequences of the elimination of the sanctity which once reigned supreme in the Muslim home. It was not possible for Muslims to retain their healthy and holy family – structure with their assimilation by the liberal western culture which in practice shows scant regard for the bond of marriage as a union of piety and holiness.

The evils which have smitten western society and annihilated its soul are now at work in the Ummah and to a large extent have made calamitous inroads in society. It is imperative for Muslims to understand the valuable and vital role which Nikah plays in the development and progress of Muslim society. The efficacy of the Nikah in regard to the achievement of happiness, love and piety is dependent on giving practical expression to the advices, and admonitions of the Sunnah. The marriage will be successful and happy only if it is conducted along the lines chalked out by Islam. Muslims should therefore introduce the ways of Islam into their homes so that the Nikah bond can exercise its impact and effects to bring into greater realization the perfection of Imaan as stated in the Hadith: “Nikah is half of Imaan.”   

EVIL WEDDINGS AND ALLAH’S PUNISHMENT

By Mujlisul Ulama

“And when We decide to destroy a people then We command its affluent o­nes. They then transgress (beyond all limits). The Decree (of Allah’s Athaab) then becomes confirmed o­n them. We then utterly destroy them.” (Qur’aan-e-Kareem)

A sign of the impending fate of destruction of a community is the leeway and latitude allowed to them by Allah Ta’ala to happily perpetrate their acts of transgression. When Allah Ta’ala has finally decided to eliminate a community with His Punishment, he snatches away all taufeeq of goodness from its members. They then embark o­n a process of reckless haraam and transgression. The decree then arrives. Suddenly and swiftly it overwhelms the transgressors. The past history and the recent history of mankind bear ample testimony to this uniform Sunnat of Allah Ta’ala, viz., His sudden and swift punishment for the transgressors, the ringleaders of whom are almost always the affluent, the wealthy who think that they are free to do whatever they wish with the wealth Allah Ta’ala has bestowed to them.

Among the acts of transgression which have to be particularly singled out, are the haraam wedding functions and the accompaniment of un-Islamic customs. These functions and the haraam activities of which they comprise are too well-known to require any elucidation. The kufr, immodest acts of intermingling of sexes, hiring of halls, displaying in exhibitions of zina, the bride, music, photography, videoing the haraam process of the haraam wedding, decorating vehicles with hooters blaring just like the kuffaar, etc., are among the evil and satanic ingredients of these shaitaani wedding functions.

Huge sums of money, usually thousands and sometimes tens of thousands, are satanically squandered and thrown down the drain into Jahannum simply to provide some egoistical pleasure to the ignorant culprits who have organized these affairs. That these people are the brothers of the shaitaan, there is no doubt in it, because the Qur’aan Majeed places the seal of satanism o­n them:

“Do not spend extravagantly. Verily, the wasters are the brothers of the devils.”

These people while claiming to be Muslims, have absolutely no understanding of the meaning or of the demands of Imaan. Innumerable Muslims, hundreds of thousands, in the different parts of the world are languishing in dire straits of poverty, squalor and starvation, homeless and without clothes, they have been and are being brutalized by kuffaar, yet we find Muslims squandering huge amounts in haraam and immoral wedding functions. Never does it occurs to them to rather contribute the wasted money for aiding the downtrodden Ummah. Their hearts have become clogged and hardened with all the paraphernalia of kufr, hence they display all attributes of kufr o­n wedding occasions to gain some miserable pleasure for their nafs. They seek to project an image of greatness for themselves by digging their own hell-graves with their acts of transgression. While they labour under the extremely false notion of impressing others with their extravagance and their daughter put o­n display for the evil eyes of all and sundry, they succeed in o­nly deceiving themselves.

The very punishment which actually settles over the married couple which went through the spiritual torture of haraam wedding functions is the miserable relationship between husband and wife. Such marriages are overshadowed by unhappiness and misery. Many lead to divorce. When misery bogs down the marriage, they wonder what went wrong.

A large part of the blame for this rotten state of affairs has to be hoisted o­nto the shoulders of condescending Ulama who curry the favour of the rich by submitting to the haraam wishes of such people. These Ulama participate in the evil wedding functions and with their presence at such nikahs, such walimahs and such functions they endeavour to confer respectability, acceptability and legality to the satanic wedding functions and customs . In participating and aiding in the these functions of satanism, these Ulama should understand that they have abdicated their role. They no longer act as bearers of the Standard of Islam. They have betrayed Islam. They betrayed Allah and His Rasool. They have betrayed the Ummah. They have joined the ranks of the ulama-e-soo’ (the evil ulama) about whom our Nabi (sallallahu alayhi wasallam) said:

“….They will be the worst evil o­n the surface of the earth under the skies..”

When an Aalim is aware of the haraam activities contemplated after the nikah, then it does not behove him to perform such a nikah. It is his incumbent duty to refuse. Concerned Muslims, i.e. those who are concerned with the Pleasure and Displeasure of Allah, should not participate in even the nikah of persons who will be indulging in haraam satanic activities after the nikah. Their invitation to attend their walimah functions too should not be answered. This is the minimum response which a Muslim conscious of his Imaan should offer. Rasulullah (sallall~hu alayhi wasallam) said:

“Love is for the sake of Allah and hatred is for the sake of Allah.”

When the community can no longer display and express or at least in the heart feel disgust for the haraam being perpetrated, they become lawful commodity for elimination by divine chastisement. It is the obligatory duty of a Muslim to register his/her disgust for Allah’s Sake. If he does not, he should examine if he still has Imaan or not. For the sake of Allah Ta’ala severing family ties is an ibaadat of high merit.

Those who are supposed to be pious and those who are supposed to be Ulama should heed the following Qur’aanic Warning:

“Beware of the Punishment which will not overtake o­nly the transgressors.”

In fact, the first whom the punishment will and should overwhelm are the condescending ulama who have betrayed Allah Ta’ala.

RECIPE FOR A SUCCESSFUL MARRIAGE

[By Jamiatul Ulama Gauteng]

“Our Lord! Grant that our spouses and our offspring be a comfort to our eyes, and give us the grace to lead those who are conscious of You.” [Surah Furqaan, Verse 74]

Question: Every human being by nature has an instinct to dispute. This instinct becomes more manifest between the husband and wife, thus leading to marital disputes. How can this instinct be controlled??

Answer: Consider the following ten points to control the instinct of dispute and maintain a happy marriage.

1. Fear Allah: It was the noble practice of Nabi Sallallahu alayhi wasallam to conscientize the spouses about the fear for Allah before performing a Nikah by reciting the verses (Nisa verse 14, Ahzab verse 69, Aali-Imraan verse 101) from the Quraan Shareef. All the verses are common in the message of Taqwa (fear of Allah). The spouses will be first committed to Allah before being committed to their partner. There can be no doubt in the success of a marriage governed by the fear of Allah.

2. Never be angry at the same time: Anger is the root cause for all marital disputes. One Sahabi came to Rasulullah (Sallallahu alayhi wasallam) and sought some advice. Rasulullah (Sallallahu alayhi wasallam) replied, control your anger. The same advice was rendered three times. [Mishkaat pg.433; HM Saeed]

3. If one has to win an argument, let it be the other: Nabi (Sallallahu alayhi wasallam) said: “Whoever discards an argument despite being correct shall earn a palace in the centre of Jannah. [Ibid pg.412]

4. Never shout at each other unless the house is on fire: Luqman (Alaihis Salaam) while offering advice to his son said: ”And lower your voice for verily the most disliked voice is that of a donkey”. [Surah Luqman :19]

5. If you have to criticize, do it lovingly: Rasulullah (Sallallahu alayhi wasallam said, ‘A Mu’ min is a mirror for a Mu’min.’ [Abu Dawud vol.2 pg.325; Imdadiyah] Advise with dignity and advise silently.

6. Never bring up mistakes of the past: Nabi Muhammad (Sallallahu alayhi wasallam) said: “Whoever conceals the faults of others, Allah shall conceal his faults on the day of Qiyaamah.” [Mishkaat pg.429; HM Saeed]

7. Neglect the whole world rather than your marriage partner: Nabi Muhammad (Sallallahu alayhi wasallam) confirmed the advice of Salman to Abu-Darda (Radiayallaahu Anhu) for neglecting his wife. “Verily there is a right of your wife over you.”   [Nasai Hadith 2391]

8. Never sleep with an argument unsettled: Abu Bakr (Radiallahu anhu) resolved his dispute with his wife over-feeding the guests before going to bed. [Bukhari Hadith 602]

9. At least, once a day, express your gratitude to your partner: Nabi Muhammad (Sallallahu alayhi wasallam) said, ‘Whoever does not show gratitude to the people has not shown gratitude to Allah.’ [Abu Dawud pg.662; Karachi]

10. When you have done something wrong, be ready to admit it and ask for forgiveness: Nabi Muhammad (Sallallahu alayhi wasallam) said, ‘All the sons of Aadam commit error, and the best of those who err are those who seek forgiveness.’ [Tirmidhi  Hadith 2499]

Jahez (Dowry) – THE HARAAM SYSTEM OF MURDERING BRIDES

[Al-Haq]

JAHEZ  is the haraam system of the bride and her family having to pay exorbitant ‘dowry’ to the  groom. It is a brutal and murderous opposite of the Shariah’s system of Mahr which the man is required to pay to his bride. Jahez is literally a system  which leads to killing of the bride and in some cases to the bride committing suicide. It is not known from which Shaitaan have Muslims in India, Pakistan, Bangladesh and Sri Lanka inherited this barbaric system with regard to which 99.9% of the Ulama in those lands being mute and absolute “DUMB DEVILS”,

This satanic system is so entrenched in the life fabric of Muslim societies of these lands, that it is condoned by even the senior Ulama. The suffering of Muslims in these lands at the hands of the idol-worshipping and cow-worshipping Hindus is therefore not surprising. Perhaps here and there may be heard an isolated whisper of criticism  emanating from some Aalim. The  evil Jahez system is so terribly ingrained in every capillary of the population that even the secular governments are impotent. They have miserably failed to eradicate this abominable system of satanism.

This barbaric system requires the payment of assets – property, cash, furniture, appliances, motorbikes, vehicles, jewellery, etc., etc., by the bride’s family to the bridegroom’s family. If the Jahez requirement has not been fulfilled, the bride is subjected to  great physical and mental abuse. Frequently the bride is murdered, and in some cases, the woman commits suicide to escape the torture of her husband and in-laws. Even in  so-called  respectable and cultured families, while the bride  will not be killed, the custom of Jahez is considered ‘waajib’. It exists even in the homes of Ulama.

Aborting female foetuses is another savage crime and by-product which is perpetrated  by the parents of a woman. If by means of modern technology the gender of the foetus is ascertained to be female, the  baby is aborted – brutally murdered – to avoid paying the jahez in later years. It is akin to the pre-Islam custom of infanticide practised by the Arab mushrikeen who would bury alive their female babies.

Jahez  is the worst form of  savage banditry and extortion which has been accorded acceptability and respectability in the societies of these lands. The  demands  of this system of brutal  banditry continues even after the initial Jahez has been paid.

In NA-Pakistan (the Impure Land) which has a preponderance of ulama-e-soo’, annually 2000 brides are murdered, yet the ulama have deliberately opted to remain deaf, dumb and blind. In India about 8,000 such murders are committed every year.

How is it ever possible for a nation to prosper and lead when the morality of the people is so rotten and savage as to condone the murderous custom of Jahez, and even the brutal killing of brides for their inability  to satisfy in haraam ways the inordinate satanic greed of their in-laws? There are no words which can adequately describe the zulm of these people and the savagery stemming in the wake of this satanic custom.

An occasional whisper by an Aalim does not discharge the obligation of Amr Bil Ma’roof Nahyi Anil Munkar which the  sacred Office of Nubuwwat has placed on the shoulders of the Ulama who are supposed to be the Heirs of the Ambiya (Alayhimus salaam). Both the Ulama and the secular government have terribly failed and abandoned their obligation of eradicating this barbaric system.

While the reluctance to act of the secular kuffaar governments of NA-Pakistan and Bangladesh is understandable, the silence of the Ulama is intolerable and lamentable. There is no justification for abstention from Amr Bil Ma’roof. The secular authorities deem it prudent to appease the juhala masses by refraining from embarking on a policy of eradicating the evil. But what has happened to the Ulama. It is their obligation to initiate an educational and da’wat campaign for the elimination of this savagery which the Ulama are condoning with their silence which is interpreted by the masses as acceptance and validity of the system.

In NA-Pakistan the government, to appease the demands of  the U.S.A., has embarked on a vicious and cruel programme of  forced-immunization. People in even the remote countryside are forcefully vaccinated. Heavy fines and jail sentences are meted out to those who refuse to submit to the haraam vaccination ordered by the U.S. master. Yet, no measures are introduced to eradicate the  haraam Jahez savagery.

The western enemies of Islam,  are swift in attributing this barbaric system to Islam despite being fully aware that there is not the slightest affinity between Islam and this evil custom prevalent in the tribal societies of these countries since time immemorial. The deafening silence of the Ulama serves as silent support for the propaganda of the West against Islam. The silence and apathy of the Ulama are the effects of their desire to appease the juhala. The Qur’aan commands the Ulama to fear only Allah Ta’ala, and to proclaim the Haqq regardless of the displeasure and annoyance of the people. Allah Ta’ala commands:

“Do not fear the people. Fear ME, and do not trade My Aaayaat (Laws/Shariah) for a miserable price).”

THE WIFE, AN AMAANAT – FOR HUSBANDS TO MEDITATE

[Majlisul Ulama]

We offer husbands a prescription which will ensure happiness in the home – a prescription which is designed to overcome incompatibility between spouses. It is the prescription of the Qur’aan­ the prescription of the Sunnah.

Both husband and wife are the makhlooq (creation) of Allah Ta’ala. In His infinite wisdom, Allah Ta’ala has assigned different rights, duties and obligations to the variety of specimens of His makhlooq. Allah Ta’ala has assigned the wife to the care of the husband. She is His makhlooq whom He has placed in the custody of the husband. Allah Ta’ala has awarded custody of the wife to the husband by way of Amaanat (Sacred Trust), not by way of mielkiyyat (ownership). As such, the wife in the custody of her husband and under his jurisdiction is a Sacred Trust. She is the sole property of Allah Ta’ala – and of no one else.

THE AMAANAT

Normally, the rule of Amaanat is that the Ameen (Trustee) is under compulsory obligation to maintain and guard the Amaanat. He is not permitted to derive any personal benefit or use from or with the Amaanat. However, Allah Ta’ala in His infinite mercy has bestowed to the husband the right to derive comfort, rest, peace and benefit from the Sacred Trust we call The Wife.

In the first instance the wife has been brought within the fold of the husband’s custody in the Name of Allah Azza Wa Jal. It is with Allah’s Name that the derivation of Benefit has been made Halaal. This permission to derive benefit from the Sacred  Amaanat is the Nikah contract. When the husband accepts the Amaanat of the Wife from Allah Ta’ala, he solemnly pledges to His Khaaliq (Creator) that he will derive the permitted benefit from the Amaanat within the Divine Code prescribed by Allah’s Constitution, viz., the Shariah. When the husband accepts the Amaanat of Allah Azza Wa Jal at the Nikah ceremony, he sincerely, wholeheartedly and solemnly pledges to Allah Ta’ala that he will honour the Pledge and guard the Amaanat in exactly the manner in which Allah Ta’ala has commanded in His Shariah. He pledges to fulfil all the rights of the Amaanat.

THE PLEDGE

Now since the husband has made this pledge with Allah Ta’ala and taken the wife into his custody in Allah’s Name, he should understand that the slightest  abuse of the sacred Trust is an act of great perfidy. Abuse of the Amaanat – failing in the observance of the Huqooq of the wife, verbally abusing her, physically assaulting her, mentally abusing her, leaving her in suspense and causing her any takleef whatsoever, are treacherous acts against the Pledge the husband had given to Allah Ta’ala.

It is of imperative importance that the husband understands that Allah Ta’ala has assigned the wife to his custody not only for his sexual pleasure. There are numerous rights and obligations which the divine legalization of this benefit brings in its wake. Many husbands, due to gross ignorance of the requisites of the sacred Pledge by which they accept the Sacred Trust, labour under the massive misconception that they are accepting the Amaanat only for the derivation of the benefit of lawful conjugal relations. It is precisely due to this ignorance and misconception that they do not consider themselves bound by the demands of the Amaanat  Pledge. Thus, the slightest annoyance, incompatibility, indifference and indiscretion by the wife culminates in dispute, argument, abuse and impatience with all the misery which daily every married couple suffers.

ALLAH’S PROPERTY

It is essential that the husband understands that when he deals with his wife, he deals with Allah’s property. Abusing Allah’s property is tantamount to treachery. It is a grave crime, the consequences of which cannot be escaped here in this world, nor in the Aakhirah. The husband has to necessarily reflect and meditate before he submits to his emotional dictates of impatience, and anger. Before he opens his mouth to emit a torrent of abuse or before he lifts his hand or before he acts disgustingly or spitefully, he should briefly meditate and remind himself that he is dealing with the property of Allah Ta’ala whom He has assigned to his custody.

Even if the wife fails in the execution of her duties to her husband, he has to understand that in whatever he desires to implement in his endeavour for the acquisition of his lawful rights, he deals with Allah’s property. As such he can only refer to the limits prescribed by the Shariah. He may not trespass one iota beyond those limits. If he does, he comes within the purview of Allah’s Warning: “These are the prescribed limits of Allah. Whoever transgresses these limits, verily, he has committed great oppression on his own soul.” – Qur’aan

HER ATTRIBUTES

Incompatibility between the spouses, especially in this era when Islamic values and understanding have been eroded – when marriage is no longer regarded as a Pledge with Allah – ­when the aim is merely sexual gratification and when the lifestyle is almost totally in emulation of the libertine cult of the west, then what do you expect? When a man ventures into marriage, he should do so fully understanding the many pitfalls and hazards which accompany his acceptance of the Amaanat. Marriage is never a bed of roses as stupid people believe prior to embarking on this voyage. Someone asked Hadhrat Ali (radhiyallahu anhu) about marriage. He replied: “When you marry, you embark on the ship, and when the child is born, the ship sinks.”

Furthermore, Rasulullah (sallallahu alayhi wasallam) has given the husband advance notice of two peculiarities of the wife: (1) She has been created from a crooked rib, and (2) She is Naaqisatul Aql (Deficient in intelligence). These two Allah-given attributes of the wife are the greatest mitigating factors to mellow her indiscretion and tempestuous emotional eruptions. They are in fact tacit commands for the husband to exercise caution and wisdom, and to act with circumspect when he deals with Allah’s Banndi – His Amaanat whom the husband has accepted in Allah’s Name.

Her creation from Hadhrat Aadam’s rib and her deficiency in intelligence do not mean that she is stupid. These attributes merely apprize the husband of her natural quality of haste and short sightedness. She naturally blurts out hurtful words and acts with indiscretion. Her thinking process generally comes into operation after the action of her tongue. Now that Allah Ta’ala has already apprized the husband of these inborn traits of the Amaanat. He has assigned to the care of the husband, the latter has to be exceptionally careful when the wife lapses into indiscretion and short sightedness.

If the husband develops by meditation the understanding that his wife is Allah’s property and His Amaanat, he will be more careful before he acts to find coolness for his anger and temper in torrents of verbal, physical and mental abuse. Whenever he feels constrained by his temper and other emotional dictates to sully the Amaanat in his care, then it is Waajib for him to ruminate on her being Allah’s property.

HIS ABUSE

When Allah Azza Wa Jal will question him, the emphasis will be on his abuse of Allah’s property, not on her indiscretion which led her to fail in observing his rights. The husband must understand that he is empowered to display his annoyance and anger, and to institute measures of punishment only in the way commanded by Allah Ta’ala for the goodness and welfare of the wife herself. The husband is not allowed by Allah Ta’ala to neglect theAmaanat by neglecting her moral and spiritual ta’leem and  tarbiyat. Thus, the action which he has to implement even at the cost of the wife’s displeasure pertains to only the Law of Allah Ta’ala which places the husband under obligation to display annoyance in certain aspects.

But, in the matter of his personal desires, likes and dislikes, it is imperative that the husband exercises the greatest patience and understanding. He will cultivate these virtues once he fully comprehends that he has Allah’s Amaanat in his custody and that he is dealing with Allah’s property, not with his personal property. He will have to answer for the abuse he commits on this Sacred Amaanat. If husbands always meditate on this dimension of the Nikah, i.e. they are dealing with Allah’s Property, Insha’Allah, much of the unhappiness will be prevented.

An important and a very beneficial consequence of the husband’s toleration due to his understanding that he has Allah’s Property with him, is that Allah Ta’ala will bestow the wife with taufeeq to correctly discharge her obligations and fulfil the rights of the husband. The bottom line for a successful marriage and happiness is the Shariah and the Sunnah.

Haraam Relationship With a Non-Mehram – ‘Love’ Before Marriage

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Right is Right even when no one is doing it and Wrong is Wrong even if everyone is doing it…So Haraam is Haraam no matter how widely it is accepted or practiced…

SO LOVE BEFORE MARRIAGE IS HARAAM, RELATIONSHIP WITH ANY NON-MEHRAM IS TOTALLY HARAAM IN ISLAM…

Talking, chatting with any non-mehram is prohibited in Islam… No matter how much someone is important for you, or how much you both love with each other…
Without Nikaah its Haraam, its Haraam.

Don’t please or worship your Nafs… The pleasure of the Nafs is temporary.. But the griefs, sorrows and guilt lasts forever, because we are committing a Sin, because we are disobeying Allah and His rules.

Allah Ta’ala says in the Holy Qur’an:

“And of everything We have Created Pairs.”

Then why everyone is so hasty today??

Does he/she cannot wait for the Halaal one??

Does he/she cannot wait for the one whom Allah Ta’ala has chosen already for him/her??

Do they not believe in Allah’s promise that like other things, He created you in pairs also.

In the Qur’an, Allah Ta’ala says:

And we have created you in pairs

Is this statement and Divine assurance not enough for us?? Who can be the most true and accurate in His statement except Allah?? Indeed no one.

Then why every man and woman are in so hurry and become involved in haraam relation…

Let me clear one thing that Islam is not against liking or loving someone. Falling in love isn’t haraam, its what you do with that love that makes it haraam or halaal. Islam just set some rules and created some limits, even Islam gives permission to man to choose the woman he likes for nikah. In Islam, even women has permission to like someone and can propose nikaah with him if she likes him.

We just need to understand the limits and then proceed. And these limits are in our benefits.

If you love/like someone then first make dua’ and after dua’ do Istikhara. If after Istikhara you get positive answer from Allah Ta’ala then do your best for marrying him/her. Insha Allah. Allah will help you. Allah will make a way for you.

Do Nikaah, Nikaah is Sunnah, The Holy Prophet (sallallaahu alayhi wasallam) said, “Nikaah is my Sunnah, and the one who disobeys my sunnah does not belong to me”.

TRUE LOVE BEGINS AFTER NIKAAH

Let me clear one thing more, in Islam it is not allowed that any two non-mehram talk with each other with the hope of nikaah, that one day we will be together, so keep on contacting and talking.

No! No!! It is not Allowed in Islam

Islam says that if you love someone then do Nikah.

And if you are engaged, you are still a non-mehram for each other. You have to follow these rules.

Allah’s plan are the best. We have to trust in Allah Ta’ala…

Islamic Guidelines for the First Night of Nikah (Marriage)

We live in a hypersexualised world. Yet, when that hour  beckons, many of those who have lived a chaste life would admit to being quite clueless about how to spend those first few jewelled moments in intimacy together.

As a complete mode of living, it should come as no surprise that Islam offers solutions for this time and all other occasions and eventualities that may come with marital life.

And fully cognisant of the psychologies of both husband and wife, and the natural reservations and inhibitions of two individuals who have barely met each other, Islamic guidelines for the first night pay more attention on confidence building, psychological bonding and nurturing the spiritual foundations of the sacred union of Nikah, than sexual relations itself.

“It is important to note that engaging in sexual relations on the first night is not necessary,” writes Mufti Muhammad ibn Adam al Kawthari in his Islamic Guide to Sexual Relations.

“The husband should not hasten in taking his wife’s virginity, but rather he should approach the matter with extreme calmness, even if it takes a few days. The newly married couple have all their lives before them for sexual relations, and there is no need to make haste in this regard. Much of the time during the first night should be spent in getting to know one another, sharing each other’s outlook on life and how their marital life should be lived in accordance with Islamic teachings. They may, however, begin to be intimate with one another, if they feel comfortable.”

Here are 4 practical Islamic guidelines for what you can do as a couple on your first night of Nikah:

1. Give a Gift

The Prophet (sallallaahu alayhi wasallam) said: “Exchange gifts, as that will lead to increasing your love to one another.” [Al-Bukhari].

Regarding the first night of marriage, there is no stipulated gift – it could involve anything permissible, big or small, according to one’s means.

A husband could also offer his wife something to drink as is found in the hadith narrated by Asma’ bint Yazid ibn As-Sakan (radhiyallahu anha) who said: “I beautified ‘Aa’ishah for Allah’s Messenger, then called him to come to see her unveiled. He came, sat next to her, and brought a large cup of milk from which he drank. Then, he offered it to ‘Aa’ishah, but she lowered her head and felt shy. I scolded her and said to her: “Take from the hand of the Prophet.” She then took it and drank some. Then, the Prophet said to her, “Give some to your companion.” At that point, I said: “O Messenger of Allah, rather take it yourself and drink, and then give it to me from your hand.” He took it, drank some, and then offered it to me. I sat down and put it on my kness. Then, I began rotating it and following it with my lips in order that I might hit the spot from which the Prophet had drunk.”  [Musnad Ahmad]

2. Read Salaah Together

It is desirable for the husband and wife to pray 2 rakaat together on their wedding night. This has been narrated from the earliest generation of Muslims:

‘When your wife comes to you, pray 2 rakaat. Then, ask Allaah for the good of that which has come to you, and seek refuge in Him from its evil. Then it is up to you and it is up to your wife.’” [Musannaf Ibn Abi Shaybah]

It is also narrated on the authority of Shaqeeq who said: “A man named Abu Hareez came and said: ‘I have married a young girl, and I am afraid that she will despise me.’ ‘Abdullah ibn Mas’ood (radhiyallahu anhu) said to him: “Verily, closeness is from Allah, and hatred is from Shaitaan, who wishes to make despicable that which Allah has allowed. So, when your wife comes to you, tell her to pray behind you 2 rakaat.’”  [Ref: Ibn Abi Shaybah and at-Tabaraani and ‘Abdur-Razzaaq: Saheeh]

3. Sprinkle the water of love and make Dua for each other

On the first night of marriage, when in seclusion with one’s wife, hold the forelocks (hair of the forehead) of her head, sprinkle water upon her and recite the following Du’a:

اللَّهُمَّ إِنِّي أَسْأَلُكَ خَيْرَهَا وَخَيْرَ مَا جَبَلْتَهَا عَلَيْهِ وَأَعُوذُ بِكَ مِنْ شَرِّهَا وَمِنْ شَرِّ مَا جَبَلْتَهَا عَلَيْهِ

(O Allaah, I ask You for the goodness within her and the goodness that You have made her inclined towards, and I take refuge with You from the evil within her and the evil that You have made her inclined towards) [Bukhari/Abu Dawud]

The wife should also make dua for her husband, just adapting the wording of the Dua’ above:

Allahumma inni asaluka khairahu wa khaira ma jabaltahu alayh; wa a’oothu bika min shari-hee wa shari ma jabaltahu alayh

Besides this stipulated Dua’, one can make any other Dua’s from the heart and also include Qur’anic Duas for marital bliss such as:

4. Seek the protection of Allah Ta’ala from shaytaan

If the couple decide to get intimate, the couple should recite the following before involving themselves in relations:

بِسْمِ اللَّهِ اللَّهُمَّ جَنِّبْنَا الشَّيْطَانَ وَجَنِّبْ الشَّيْطَانَ مَا رَزَقْتَنَا

In the name of Allah, O Allah, distance shaytaan from us and distance shaytaan from that which you grant us. [Bukhari]

We make Dua’ that your union be a blessed one, where not only the bodies meet, but the hearts meet as well

[Cii Broadcasting]