Category Archives: Parenting

Islamic Way Of Rearing and Training Children

A mother is the most favourably positioned person who can direct and determine the role and character of her children. Speaking about her role of responsibility as the guide and overseer of her children, our Nabi (Sallallahu Alayhi Wasallam) said:

“And, the woman is the Shepherdess of the home of her husband and of his children. All of you will be questioned about their flock”.

Many famous men of Islam attained wilayat (sainthood) at the hands of their mothers. As a result of the sublime maternal efforts expended in the moral and spiritual training of children, they attained the lofty ranks of spiritual elevation.

The Deeni Ta’leem of a Muslim child commences from the day it has entered into this ephemeral world. The Athaan and Iqaamah are proclaimed in the ears of the infant, arousing in its mind the Pledge of Imaan which was taken from it long before it or its parents were created.

While most mothers nowadays believe that their maternal duties are confined to feeding and clothing their children, Islam expects and commands much more – of greater importance than physical care, is the spiritual care of the children. It is her incumbent and sacred duty to direct her full attention towards the Deeni, spiritual and moral training of her children.

The love which most parents nowadays show their children is no true love. Such love is in fact a fatal poison. A love which leads children to Jahannum is cruelty and injustice of the highest kind. Parents should submit and bend their love in whatever direction the Shariah points.

Children are a wonderful treasure and an amaanat – a sacred trust which dare not be abused. Parents who abuse this amaanat by failing to carry out their parental duties and obligations in the way Islam requires, are among the worst criminals and perpetrators of treachery, for they pave the way for the future ruin of their own offspring.

Some important advice with regard to rearing and training children will be enumerated here.

⚫ Remember well that habits acquired in childhood are enduring. Good or bad traits and attributes acquired by the child will remain with him/her life­long. It is, therefore, imperative to maintain a diligent eye on the habits which a child picks up and develops in his character.

⚫ Never frighten a child. Some mothers, in order to induce obedience in the child, scare the child by speaking of ghosts, etc. This is exceptionally bad. The child will grow up with a weak heart. Instead of inculcating courage, parents very ignorantly induce cowardice in their children.

⚫ Have fixed times for their eating. Do not spoil their habits and their health with irregular eating habits.

⚫ Let them use a miswaak from an early age. Let them wash their mouths after everything they eat, even after having drunk milk.

⚫ Teach them to wash their hands before and after meals.

⚫ Teach children all the Islamic etiquettes of eating, drinking, sleeping, wearing garments, entering and leaving the toilet, etc.

⚫ When the child is able to talk, teach it first the Name of Allah Ta’ala. Even long before it can talk, parents should recite Qur’anic verses, the Names of Allah and the Kalimah to the child. The infant’s mind is receptive and it retains what it sees and hears.

⚫ Parents should not become nude in the presence of even a six-month baby.

⚫ Do not create in the child the love for luxury and adornment. Styles and fashions should be banished. Imbue in them simplicity.

⚫ Now and then clothe children with patched garments even if you are wealthy.

⚫ Until a girl has not attained the age of puberty, do not adorn her with jewellery. The love for adornment and luxury will be spawned in her from childhood.

⚫ Inculcate generosity in children. Let them give food, etc. with their own hands to the poor.

⚫ Share things among brothers and sisters. Let the eldest of the children arrange the division under your supervision.

⚫ Always speak derisively of over-eating to them.

⚫ Do not succumb to the obstinacy of children. To do so is fatal for their moral and spiritual development.

⚫ Prevent them from screaming and speaking at the top of their voices.

⚫ Never allow them to mix with other children. Brothers and sisters should play together within the home confines where their statements and actions could be kept under constant parental observation and supervision.

⚫ Never allow them to wander around the neighbourhood.

⚫ The most destructive influence is undoubtedly television. Think of the future of your children. Think of their success and salvation in the Hereafter and for their sake never introduce this evil into the home.

⚫ Do not give them toys which are in the form of people or animals nor toys on which images of people or animals are painted.

⚫ Inculcate aversion in the child for falsehood, greed, envy, pride, hatred and all evil attributes. Monitor the child’s development and constantly advise, admonish and reprimand him/her.           

⚫ Do not scream at children.

⚫ Point out their wrongs and explain the evil as best as you can.

⚫ Never punish the child in a state of anger. If the child requires punishment for a misdemeanour, devise a suitable punishment and administer it after anger has subsided. Do not punish children simply to cool your anger. To do so is an act of injustice.

⚫ Discourage the child from excessive speech and loud laughter.

⚫ Whenever the child commits a misdeed or misbehaves, immediately call him/her to attention.

⚫ Punish the child if he/she fights with another. Do not overlook such misdeeds. Ignoring a child’s perpetration of bullying tactics is tantamount to destroying your child.

⚫ Create in the child the habit of rising early.

⚫ At the age of seven ensure that the child performs Salaat regularly. By the age of ten if he/she has not yet developed the habit of performing Salaat regularly, mete out suitable punishment. It is essential to ingrain the practice of regular and punctual Salaat in the child from an early age.

⚫ Never permit your children to read comics, picture-magazines or other similar western books and magazines which corrupt morals and character.

⚫ Encourage children to read good Islamic books.

⚫ Parents should gather their children and read to them reliable Islamic books daily. Stories of the Ambiya and Auliya should be read and told to them.

⚫ Never give children money to waste on un-Islamic things such as fireworks, etc.

⚫ Do not allow children to play games of gambling such as marbles in which there is winning and losing. Such games are described as ‘maisar’ (gambling) in Islam.

⚫ Reprimand them if they mock or make fun of people – of their looks or their deformities. Explain to them that everyone is the creation of Allah and all creation is by Allah’s Will and Wisdom.           

⚫ Inculcate in children the habit of doing their own work. Let them tend to their own beds, clothing and room. Teach them to be clean and tidy. Never tire of drawing their attention to their carelessness and untidiness. Untidiness and carelessness are just natural with children. Parents should repeatedly train their children with regard to tidiness and cleanliness without becoming frustrated.

⚫ In matters of this nature, parents should not beat their children. Constant reminding will eventually have the desired effect.

⚫ The child must be taught to refrain from strewing things hither and thither.

⚫ Never permit children to do things surreptitiously or concealing from their superiors. When a child does something secretively, not wanting his/her superiors to know, then it indicates that the child knows it to be wrong. In this way the child will grow up with dishonesty.

⚫ Teach the child to be humble. Do not allow him/her to praise any of his/her possessions.

⚫ When a child accomplishes something good, congratulate him/her and occasionally reward him/her with a prize.

⚫ Parents should not quarrel or argue with one another in the presence of their children.

⚫ The mother should always teach the children to love, fear and respect their father.

⚫ Do not allow your children outside the home after Maghrib. The hadith forbids this. The shayateen emerge in abundance after Maghrib and children form a desireable target for their mischief.

Daughters – Don’t Ruin their Haya

By Mujlisul Ulama

After Imaan, the greatest and most precious attribute of the Muslim female is her Haya (modesty and shame). While haya is intrinsic with feminity in general, its perfection co-exists only with Imaan. It is therefore, impossible for a non-Muslim female to possess the same degree of haya as her Muslim counterpart whose nature has not been corrupted by the kufr influences of western culture. Rasulullah (sallallahu alayhi wasallam) said: “Haya is a branch of Imaan.” This treasure of haya incrementally decreases with the increase of the attributes of kufr. When haya is lost, its opposite, viz. shamelessness/audacity fills the vacuum. Shamelessness has reached its lowest ebb in western civilization which has by far surpassed even barbarians and asses in its exhibition of immorality and lewdness.

Muslim females of this era have also become the victim of the onslaught of western lewdism and shamelessness to such an extent that even the females who don niqaab lack the haya which Islam advocates for them. The niqaab has become an outer façade of deception. Most females who don niqaab nowadays treat it as a deceptive symbol to project the image of piety while in reality almost all of their natural Imaani haya has been extinguished.

The fundamental problem is the failure in the home. From the very inception, parents miserably fail to develop the natural attribute of haya of their daughters. In fact, parents are instrumental in the destruction of the haya of their daughters from a very tender age. The quality of haya, like all other natural attributes of excellence, has to be developed, nurtured and nourished until it attains its degree of perfection. It is for this reason that the Shariah commands the inculcation of Hijaab from a very early age.

According to Hadhrat Maulana Ashraf Ali Thaanvi (rahmatullah alayh), a girl should adopt Purdah for the ghair mahram males of the family (cousins, brothers-in-law, etc.) from the age of seven years, and for outsiders from the age of six years. True purdah – that is, Purdah of the heart – cannot be achieved instantaneously and simultaneously with the advent of buloogh (maturity). The Hijaab dress, niqaab, concealing the hair and arms introduced to a girl only at the advent of buloogh is adopted as a social imposition without her understanding the value of Hijaab. The girl nurtured in the western cult of shamelessness, feels the sudden imposition of Hijaab at the age of buloogh to be claustrophobic, burdensome and even loathsome. While she will adopt Hijaab as a consequence of social pressure and norm of her ‘pious’ family, inwardly she rebels against the concept of Hijaab which Allah Ta’ala has decreed for females.

The development of haya and adoption of hijaab have to be inculcated and ingrained in girls from the cradle. However, since parents themselves lack understanding of the Islamic concept of Hijaab, they sow the seeds of aversion for Hijaab in their little daughters. They achieve this dastardly feat by cladding their infant daughters with kuffaar western garments. In so doing they betray their hidden preference for the ways and styles of kufr. They may have adopted an outward display of hijaab due to social considerations, but their hearts are bereft of hijaab, hence it is seen that most Muslim parents have no qualms in dressing their little girls like prostitutes, with tight-fitting pants and skin-tight tops. The girl’s hair is perpetually exposed. She is allowed to mingle with boys and outsider males.

She is allowed to ruin all vestiges of natural and Imaani haya by peddling a bicycle. It is thus seen that the muraahiq (near to buloogh) daughters of even Ulama are furiously peddling bicycles. Shaitaan has succeeded in his plot of deception. He has managed to deceive even the Ulama with talbees-e-iblees logic – “she is riding the bicycle in an enclosure which conforms to Hijaab standard”. This type of deceptive argument is whispered into the hearts of pious parents to achieve the satanic objective of ruining every vestige of a girl’s natural haya.

When Rasulullah (sallallahu alayhi wasallam) has cursed females who ride horses, such admonition was not the product of his whim and desire. The Qur’aan Majeed states: “He (i.e. Muhammad) does not speak of desire (whim and fancy). It (i.e. whatever he says) is Wahi revealed to him.” Thus, the Muslim lady who drives a car should not labour under self-deception that she is observing Hijaab simply because only her two eyes are on exhibition while her nose, cheeks and lips are concealed by the semblance of niqaab she dons behind the steering wheel. She should remember, and make constant thikr behind the steering wheel of the fact that every second she is under Divine La’nat. The plethora of arguments fabricated to justify her exploits behind the steering wheel and the surreptitious exploits of her eyes and heart from behind the flimsy ‘niqaab’, have no validity in the Shariah. The fact that she is able to steer away the vehicle in a public swarming with fussaaq and fujjaar of a million persuasions, is adequate evidence for her audacity bordering on immorality in terms of the Islamic concept of Haya. A woman behind a steering wheel is a maloonah (accursed) in the same class as the maloonah in the saddle.

A little girl – a five and six year old – who is allowed to ride a bicycle, ruins her natural haya. To display tomboy antics on the bicycle – to peddle furiously – requires audacity. Audacity is the opposite of haya. The little girl, instead of her haya being developed, and instead of her being schooled in greater hijaab as she grows, her natural shame is neutralized by acts of self-expression. Whereas Islam commands Ikhfa’ (Concealment) for its female adherents, parents nurture their little daughters in Izhaar (self-expression) and audacity by encouraging and aiding them with dress, mannerisms and activities which only promote abandonment of haya.

The programme of developing the haya of girls requires that they be clad with Islamic attire from infancy. Western lewd styles are absolutely haraam for even little girls. All aspects of Hijaab, barring the niqaab, should be incumbently inculcated in little girls from infancy. Hijaab should become an inseparable constituent of the morality of Muslim females. If parents adopt the proper Islamic concept of Hijaab for their little daughters, the girls will feel ‘naked’ even if an arm is momentarily bared in the presence of a non-Muslim female.

The hair of a female is extremely delicate. Hijaab applies to a greater degree to her hair than to her face. A female’s exposed hair attracts even spiritual and unseen calamities and curses. Allah Ta’ala is The Creator. He knows why He has ordained that not a single hair of the female should be exposed. While evil beings such as the jinn and shayaateen are attracted by the female’s exposed hair, the pious celestial beings such as the Malaaikah (Angels) cherish a natural abhorrence for a female whose hair is exposed. Therefore, the Malaaikah of Rahmat do not frequent a home where the females habitually wander around with their hair exposed, and this applies even if there are no ghair mahaareem males present.

Parents should treasure the amaanat of children and not ruin the haya and akhlaaq of their daughters and sons with the mannerism of the western cult of immorality in which self-expression is an emphasised demand while Islam teaches the exact opposite. And of vital importance to understand and never to forget is that secular school, especially the so-called ‘islamic school’, is the last nail in the coffin of the girl’s haya.